![]() It’s Monday, and you still like your boyfriend. “#MCM I LOVE U SO MUCH BABY, U R MY WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD, THE PAST 2 WEEKS THAT WE’VE BEEN 2GETHER HAVE BEEN SOoOoOo AMAZING, I CANT WAIT 2 B UR WIFE □ LOL JK! NOT REALLY KIDDING THO! I am insane. But when I do, it will be on one of the following posts: I have yet to use the Wow button, because its consequences could be too dangerous even for a seasoned Facebook warrior like myself. Talk to me in 4 days when you’re trying to eat your desk. Someone earnestly referred to their new Lemon Water And Crying diet as “not a diet, but a lifestyle change”. Open up that can of crazy and spray it on the world like a fire hose during a wet t-shirt contest. Someone hacked their SO’s facebook and posted something like “I AM A CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT AND I DON’T DESERVE A GODDESS LIKE TIFFANY, WHO IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND MAKES BETTER LASAGNA THAN MY BITCH MOM.” Posts that deserve a rousing Haha from you include: – Bitchy ex-roommate is alternating sharing Thought Catalogue articles titled “14 THINGS EVERY STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN KNOWS NOT 2 PUT UP WITH FROM A MAN”, and posting whiny statuses like “WHY AREN’T THERE ANY DECENT SINGLE GUYS N E MORE □ ” BET I’D BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, HUH, BRAD? – Dude who dumped you for someone prettier in 2010 is now listed as single, and is posting statuses containing only Bright Eyes lyrics every 15 minutes. – Bloated, soulless human landfill with whom you once planned to spend the rest of your life is engaged to the girl he was cheating on you with, and is currently cheating on with someone else. Click the Love button with relish in the following situations: Let’s start off simple, with the Love button (gentlemen- remember that.) This reaction is perfectly suited to initiating some childish bullshit. For the rest of us, I’ve compiled a helpful guide to using the new Reactions in a petty-as-fuck manner, guaranteed to warm your cold heart with the anger and bewilderment of the innocent. If you are “nice” or “mature” or “an adult”, this strategy may not be for you. But then I realized that most of us are missing out on the best possible uses of these new emojis: pettiness, childish behavior, and general headfuckery. It makes me nervous when the number of Likes on my posts is smaller than normal because everyone is clicking Love or Haha instead (I am universally adored). I felt weird about these new additions at first. Now, when someone posts a picture of their brunch with the caption “#sundayfunday #mimosas #yaassskween #blessed <3“, we have the following choices: ![]() It’s a fair point, and one that’s often clarified in the comment section: “I don’t ‘like’ that someone sideswiped your car while it was parked in the garage and didn’t leave a note! I’m just showing my support!!!”Īfter something like 8 years, Facebook finally decided it was tired of watching your Great Aunt Martha try to explain why her clicking the Like button does not mean that she likes it when bad things happen to you.īut rather than just adding the oft-requested Dislike button to the mix, they added a whole host of new “Reactions”. Ever since the introduction of Facebook’s Like button, users have whined about the lack of a Dislike button.
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